Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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