I think I won the penis lottery.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
