Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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