I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
