that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
