my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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