I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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