I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
