NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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