i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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