Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
