Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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