Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
