using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
