i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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