Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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