I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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