i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
