this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
