is your mom at the bar?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
