ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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