While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
