life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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