I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You made out with two different species that night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
