I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
