you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
