He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
