I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
