she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
