i wish my penis had a tongue
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
