Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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