I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
