Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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