Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
