yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
