He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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