I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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