Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
