i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
