ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
