don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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