I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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