That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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