If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
