My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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