Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
