Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
