Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this hospital has no fireball
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
