if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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