Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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