dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize