Jerry, you need to find god
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
