I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
