What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
