If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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