Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
