he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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