You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
