It's Friday. Sex?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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