Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
