Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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