I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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