Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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