I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
