Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
