He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
