party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The adults are the big ones right?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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