The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
zippers are such a cool invention
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
