found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
