You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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