I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
