For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
