You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
