well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
