I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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