So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
