I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
