yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
