K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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